i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
