I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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