Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
