dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
