why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
