I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
