I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
