i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
