Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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