So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
