If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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