Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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