i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
