I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
