I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
