If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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