From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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