OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
