i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
