It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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