I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
