Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
