Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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