I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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