I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
