Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
