Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
