Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
