Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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