His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
