I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
