Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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