I puked a lego.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
