i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
