just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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