You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
