Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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