He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
