Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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