I want to walk on stilts...naked
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
