Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
