11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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