Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
