I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
