i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
