You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
