i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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