I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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