God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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