Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
